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My Lost Love


     It was ever so dark that evening. It hurt to look at her. It was like
looking at my heart barely beating on the floor. I couldn't stand it. Love
never hurt me this much. I can't believe this happened. Why me? Why her?
Why us? In an instant it was over. I remember the first time we met. It was
actually kind of funny.  She was walking her dog. Actually, the dog was
walking her. I was reading a poem and walking along. When all of the sudden,
we collided. The second I looked up into her eyes, I fell for her harder
than an avalanche off of Mount Everest. I think she felt the same way
because we didn't look away for what seemed like 5 hours. We talked in the
park for about an hour and a half. She told me her name was Kristeen Thorne
and told me that she was a new student at Orangeville High School; the same
school I attended. We found that we had six out of seven classes together,
which was a very good thing. I asked her to go out with me that Friday
night. We went to the movies first, and then we went to Vinnie Vicci's
Italian restaurant. The date was perfect and the person I was with made the
date seem like Heaven. We dated non-exclusively for about one month. On
our one month anniversary, I gave her my letter jacket which I earned
playing varsity football. And while I did that, I asked her to date
exclusively. She answered my question so fast I didn't realize that she
said yes. We started going out together almost every weekend and talked on
the phone all night and walked with each other to class everyday, and I
gave her a ride to and from school everyday. We had been going out for
about 3 months. The student body voted us cutest couple of the year. We had
to get our pictures taken for the year book. We went to the spring dance
together and were voted the king and queen of the dance. Then the school
year came to an end.  That summer we spent most of the time together. We
went to Kyber Lake for the Fourth of July weekend. My dad let us borrow his
boat for the weekend, and we stayed at a camp ground. On Friday, when we
got there, I took the boat for a test drive to see if it was still running.
It's was working. I took her to the little secret cove that only I knew. We
stayed in that cove for about 2 hours just talking and kissing and gazing
at each other. At that time, the only thing I was hoping for was that this
moment never would end. When I looked into her soft blue eyes, I was
completely under her spell. We would stare into each others eyes and then
kiss. Her soft, tender lips caressing mine, and all I could do was watch
the magic. She had this touch. It was like an angel touching my soul. We
went back to camp about 9 :30 p.m.. On Saturday, some friends came and
camped with us for the rest of the weekend. We were on the boat most of the
time at the lake skiing, tanning, and show- boating. The summer flew by
faster than light.  When school started, our feelings had increased. This
year we only had 3 classes together, but it didn't affect how much we saw
each other. The first few months of the school year went by really quick.
Matt, my close friend, was having a Halloween party at his house. We
decided to go as Romeo and Juliet. Everyone thought our costumes were cute.
Matt, the smart person he is, did not allow any beer at this party, but
Kristeen and I promised each other we would never drink at parties. We all
partied our hearts out, but in the end, Matt had one heck of a mess to
clean up.  As the year went on, we kept the romance alive. It finally got
to our one year anniversary on December 17, 1998. For our anniversary I
gave her a 1 karat diamond necklace, and she gave me a 24 karat chain and
in the middle of the chain were both of our names connected with two hearts.
Christmas came around and everyone was in a holiday mood. My family
celebrated Christmas with a family reunion, and Kristeen's family went to
Sacramento to visit her grandparents. When everyone came back to
Orangevillie all of our friends exchanged gifts. I gave Kristeen a 1 month
old tan cocker spaniel, it had a bow around its neck and was put in a hand
woven basket, for Christmas. She gave me a fluffy blue Tommy Hilfiger
feather down jacket. I spent Christmas with her. We went to the park. It
was snowing. The snow, so white, made me realize what I had. I was the
luckiest man in the world. I had someone who cared about me. Someone who
understood my problems. Most of all, I had someone who I could snuggle with
in the coldness of the harsh winter. I had true love!  New Year's Eve came
around, and our relationship couldn't be going any better than it was. Matt,
our party hardy friend, had another one of his parties. We counted down the
New Year, and we sealed 1998 with a long, sweet, tender, romantic, never-
ending kiss which carried over to 1999. After the party, Kristeen and I
stayed to help Matt clean up his house. We felt sorry for his unfortunate
break up with Lauren. After we cleaned house, Kristeen and I couldn't help
but kiss each other. You know that feeling you get when your with the one
you love and you just started a new year, and how you can't keep your hands
off of each other. It's that feeling you get when you know that they will
be there for you for the rest of your life. Well that wasn't it. I was just
happy that the cleaning was over, and we could go home.  When we got to my
car, I looked at her and asked her, " Do you promise me you'll never leave
me?"  She so softly answered with a twinkle in her eye and a smile on her
face, " Yes! I will never leave you. I will be with you for the rest of
your life. That is a promise!" We started home about 2:30 A.M. in the
morning. We were driving on Highway 45 when we came across an intersection.
Our light was green so I proceeded. Out of no where, a car with its high
beams on hit the passenger side of my car. I was sent to the hospital
unconscious. I woke up the next morning. I called for the nurse. "Where is
Kristeen?" I asked so impatiently.  The nurse looked at me with saddened
eyes. I could tell what the answer was just by the look in her eyes.  " I'm
sorry. Your friend never made it. She was dead at the scene." She said with
a soft voice.  I later found out that the car was driven by a drunk from
the party that we had just left. I couldn't help but cry as remembered the
promise we made right before we left. Then all the other memories started
coming back. I couldn't stop them. They just kept coming one after the
other. The more I remembered the faster the tears ran out. I got up and
started pacing around in my room. The more I thought of her the angrier I
became. I took my aggression out by punching the walls. The nurses came in
trying to calm me. Nothing was going to calm me. I couldn't stand it. I
finally quit punching the wall and fell to the floor. All I could do was
sit there and cry as I remembered every single day of our relationship.
It's wasn't fair. It should have been me. I should have died, not her.
Suicide did cross my mind that night in the hospital.  It has been a month
since that day, and everytime I look at her picture it hurts me so much I
could die.   Everyday I think about that night, and what I could have done
to prevent her death. One thing is for sure, love has never hurt me this
much before.  That next day I went to her grave. "Umm..... I wrote you this
poem. It's about you and what I thought you were thinking when I was at the
hospital. " I said as the tears ran down my face. " I can't believe this
happened. You weren't ready to go. I wasn't ready for you to......." I had
to stop because I started to choke up. " I wasn't ready for you to go. No
one was. Remember our promise? Well I won't let you break it. You will
always be with me. Right here." I said as I hit my chest. " I hope you can
read this from your spot in Heaven." I said with my tear filled eyes as I
was setting the poem on her grave.   This is what the poem said, "Death Of
An Innocent I went to a party Dominiq, I remembered what you said. You told
me not to drink, so I drank soda instead. I really felt proud inside, the
way you said I would. I didn't drink and drive, even though the others said
I should. I know I did the right thing, I know you were always right. Now
the party is finally ending, as everyone is driving out of sight. As I got
into the car, I knew I'd get home in one piece. Because of the way you
loved me, so caring and sweet. We started to drive away, but as you pulled
out into the road, the other car didn't see us and hit me like a load. As I
lay there on the pavement, I hear the policeman say, the other guy is drunk,
and now I'm the one who will pay. I'm lying here dying, I hope you get
there soon. How could this happen to me? My life just burst like a balloon.
There is blood all around me, and most of it is mine. I hear the medic say,
I'm running out of time. I just wanted to tell you, I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others. The others didn't think. He was probably at the same
party as I. The only difference is he drank and I will die. Why do people
drink? It can ruin your whole life. I'm feeling sharp pains now. Pains just
like a knife. The guy who hit me is walking, and I don't think it's fair.
I'm lying here dying and all he can do is stare. Tell my sister not to cry.
Tell Dad to be brave. And when I go to heaven, put "Daddy's Girl" on my
grave.  Someone should have told him, not to drink and drive. If only they
had told him, I would still be alive. My breath is getting shorter. I'm
becoming very scared. Please don't cry for me. When I needed you, you were
always there. I have one last question, before I say good bye. I didn't
drink and drive, so why am I the one to die?" " I know I have to get on
with my life, but I will always love and cherish you. Our love will always
be like the stars eternal shine." I said as I wiped the tears from my face.
" One more thing before I go, I love you! Remember that!" I looked at her
grave imagining her face. I stood there for a couple of minutes not saying
a word. Then I turned and began to walk to my car. When I got into the car,
I sat there, remembering, one at a time, all the things we did together.
The final thing I saw was the twinkle in her eye and the smile on her face
when she promised me that she would never leave me. Then I drove home
knowing, I would never get to kiss her sweet, gentle lips good night ever
again.